F*** YOU!!

Date: Thursday, September 24, 2009

Time: 6:54 PM

Drinking Nostalgia

I admit it, I miss drinking!! Getting drunk and tasting alcohol constantly is what I miss the most!!!

Its been awhile since I last tasted that tempting, bittersweet alcohol. Ever since we became together, I never got drunk or taste at least a drop of beer.

Okay, so maybe I'm trying to control my drinking habit, I still want to drink! Maybe I'll try not to be drunk? Nah, its the fun part of drinking! HAHA!

I maybe trying to be that responsible girl like before, but I still want to do wild things, bitchy things. So now I want to ask every person who reads my blog, WHO WANTS TO GET DRUNK?! Even if I'm grounded, I'll try to make plans. Just please let me be drunk! I really miss it! HAHA!

:D

Be A Good Girl & Shut Up
Yours Truly Hi, I'm a the mofo with that sexy mole and I would like to bury myself in a hole. I am skinny and bulimic but I hate diet coke and apples. I like being sympathetic because it makes me look good and even though I am skinny and bulimic I still do not wish you to be like me. I am unique. Tagboard Exits Marion Shalla Jazmine Sir Jude Jayson Nicolo Archives June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 July 2010 Credits Shalla YOO.	Date: Thursday, September 24, 2009 Time: 6:54 PM Drinking Nostalgia I admit it, I miss drinking!! Getting drunk and tasting alcohol constantly is what I miss the most!!! Its been awhile since I last tasted that tempting, bittersweet alcohol. Ever since we became together, I never got drunk or taste at least a drop of beer. Okay, so maybe I'm trying to control my drinking habit, I still want to drink! Maybe I'll try not to be drunk? Nah, its the fun part of drinking! HAHA! I maybe trying to be that responsible girl like before, but I still want to do wild things, bitchy things. So now I want to ask every person who reads my blog, WHO WANTS TO GET DRUNK?! Even if I'm grounded, I'll try to make plans. Just please let me be drunk! I really miss it! HAHA! :D leave a comment Date: Time: 6:40 PM All In The Dirt Today, I realized that I'm no longer slacking off! Although my boyfriend still keeps reminding me to be responsible. Anyway, I submitted all requirements that are needed to be submitted today! Which is really cool because usually, I submit after the deadline. Right now, I'm trying to redeem myself--and be the girl who was at the top of her class just like before. I know it sounds a bit like Zuko (From Avatar: The Last Airbender), but at least now, I'm trying. Good News, Bad News Moment: Good News- I'm finally becoming more responsible! Bad News- I might get a suspension. :\| So, the girl from last trimester is slowly fading into oblivion. She's slowly being thrown in the dirt. The old me is finally waking up! :D leave a comment Date: Wednesday, September 23, 2009 Time: 6:26 PM The Inner Slut In my batch, the more angelic you are, the more attractive you can be. But, on the contrary, this statement is a big LIE. Ever since we turned seniors, I've been hearing a lot of "angels" losing their "wings" (virginity) with their "spouse". I won't mention any names, though. Some of them might be another rumor, anyway. Don't worry, I'm not one of this angels. I'm a bitch, remember? But I'm also a virgin. Weird huh? The angels actually have a hidden personality. They are actually sluts. I must admit, I know a lot about sex. But I don't apply my knowledge. I'm actually disgusted at some girls who do fellatio (blow job). Besides, I'm a virgin, 100%! This bitch has never been touched. I'm reserving it for my future husband, anyway. HAHA! BTW, I'm not mad at the so called "angels". They're still my friends. No matter how slutty they can get, its fine with me. I totally accept them--and love them! If you're curious or intrigued to know who this angels might be, I'm totally not gonna tell. I maybe a bitch but I'm not a traitor. I don't rat anyone out. Tell me your reaction. Add me up at YM, evilshadow_ryne. I'm always online. :D leave a comment Date: Tuesday, September 22, 2009 Time: 9:03 PM Angels and Demons Cigarettes are really big traitors. Now, I am sanctioned of being grounded for the rest of the year for a sin I never actually committed. No, this is the right thing to do. I did this. I did something. I was supposed to do something. This might be the rightful punishment. I was asked to choose my friends wisely. Its kinda a grown-up way of saying "STAY AWAY FROM BRUSKO!". I admit, I chose devious friends. But it was my choice to agree in the first place. Or is it? I'm not an angel myself, anyway. But I guess my daddy's asking me to get angels as friends. BORING!! Anyway, the prophecy in my earlier post didn't come true. I wasn't beaten up, which is a good thing. But still, grounded for the rest of the year?! Hello! Its my last year as a high school bitch. Can't I at least get a few taste of freedom?! Damn. "Not a Happy Birthday.", these words he uttered repeatedly. I don't care about my birthday anyway. Who wants to get old? BTW, I'm not mocking anyone here. I'm just pissed about some things he uttered. I'm also pissed about following Brusko. But I don't blame anybody. Although, seriously, I regret everything! But there's no turning back. I have to face this like the biggest bitch in town. Its time to release my inner bitch. But, I'm still nervous, and frightened, and scared, and in hysteria, and depressed. So the earlier post isn't my last post, which is a good thing. He didn't tell me that I wasn't allowed to go online anyway! LOL! This is pretty much a good news for me. I think? Half of it I guess. LOL! See you again guys! :D leave a comment Date: Time: 6:34 PM The Stick With Smoke Cigarette. An invention that caused many lives. Not only by stealing lives. But also by ruining them. I was once a smoker. But I stopped a long time ago. I didn't want to do it anymore. But still, these sticks haunt me up to this day. It was the last day of exams. My friend, naming "Brusko", wanted to smoke after eating. He asked me to join him. I refused a couple of times, but he wouldn't stop insisting. I agreed after a long debate. But I was hesitant to come. He bought two sticks, one for each of us. He gave me my stick, but I was hiding it. He lighted his stick. He started inhaling it. A few seconds later, a teacher said "What are you doing?! Naka-uniform pa kayo ah!"--What are you doing? You're still in uniform!-- and I started to shiver of fear. Yes, this is the event I'm afraid will happen. For this to come to the School Board and suspend us both. I wasn't smoking, but I was holding a stick. In our school handbook, it was stated that "Smoking in campus or within 100 meters from the school while wearing a uniform is a Class C offense. Possessing cigarettes is considered as a violation." and I, myself, have read it. In every offense, there's a punishment. The punishment for this one is a three-day suspension and an automatic grade of C in conduct. Obviously, I didn't mind what the school might say. I was worried about what my parents would say or do. Now, I'm a basket case. I'm freaking out. Every bone, every limb of mine is trembling like crazy! Its not because of the offense. Its because of what my father could do. He beats me up when he gets really pissed. Tonight's gonna be a gruesome night. BTW, this MIGHT be my last post for september. I might be grounded for this. I just hope they won't beat me up. Cross your fingers, guys! :D---:\|---:{ leave a comment Date: Sunday, September 20, 2009 Time: 9:22 PM To My Clique A poem written, of course, to my peers. It was intended to be written for the school newspaper. I just hope they accept it. I don't know if its that good. I rarely write a poem that's about other things but love. I really hope you like it. To My Clique Fond when we’re together We own the world Laughing like it’s the end of forever To ourselves we’re enamored Although sometimes we bicker We sort our conflict accord Nothing can turn us bitter Not even the sharpest sword Frivolous jeers we make To each other we laugh out loud For a good time is a good break But together we still stand proud Foes try to break our friendship But none stand tall enough To sink our backer ship Yes, our friendship is forever No one and nothing can tear us We shall always stick together And we won’t try to fuss It describes us being together all the time. Even at times of sadness. When we're together, we're happy even if we don't have a bottle of beer. Hope you like it. :D leave a comment Date: Time: 9:08 PM 09-19-09 The day I lived with no sleep. I was mourning all night, pretty much acting like a fool. All I did was write poems. Pretty melodramatic poems to be exact. This day, we had CAT. I looked like I was drunk. Patiently waiting for someone I thought might ignore me. He didn't, of course. But I thought he would. And I shouldn't tell you why. When he came, I thought he was gonna ignore me. He didn't. I was ecstatic. But I still didn't get any sleep. I dozed off a few seconds between discussions. I couldn't help it. I kept glancing at him, too. I even caught him glancing a couple of times. The whole day, we were together. At lunch, during platoon formation, and going home. We were sweet, too! I liked this day. But, of course, I wanted to sleep so badly. I got home and fell asleep. I didn't even notice that I was able to eat dinner and change. I woke up with my t-shirt and shorts at my back. LOL! Good thing no one noticed. :D leave a comment Date: Time: 8:27 PM Emo-Poetic No, I'm not emo. I just wrote some poems that are pretty melodramatic. It was a friday night. I had nothing to do and I couln't sleep. Yep. You guessed it. I got no sleep at all. So here are some poems. Two actually. I was busy watching MTV. Oh and uhm, I was mourning that night. I guess that's why my poems are pretty emo that night. LOL! Save Me From Anxiety Yet I cry another tear That flows because of fear Yes, I am afraid For no one can give me shade From whatever might be coming That is ever so frightening But you're supposed to be Near me and give glee Cheer me in my frowns Lift me from my downs Wipe my tears Shield me from my fears But you left me Don't you love me? You said you do But why keep me so blue? Is leaving an option? For me to function? For you it is not You chose the door to shut When will you come back? When I no longer slack? But you're not the reason for my failure For you made me allure You give me joy and happiness So save me from my malevolence (Written around 3:00 am.) Too Morbid No one sees me cry With these tears I try To let out all my disdains And all emotional pains As quiet as can be So no shadow can see What really is inside My hurtful feelings that abide One more song A sad and long I hear from my radio By which my tears show I need him desperately But where is he? Asleep with no worries No nightmares and fears I am tired of this No hug nor kiss Was given from you To know you're farewell's true I love you, of course I love you with no force By other people's bribes Just from my heart's advice You're my sanctuary By whom abandoned me Since my love will never fade For you, I'll sulk in the rain with no shade (Written around 5:00 am.) So uhm, this is pretty much it. They're only two but quite long. A bit melodramatic, too. I was crying all night. Could not get my mind off things. That's why I wasn't able to sleep a wink. Thanks for reading it guys! See you again on my next post! :D leave a comment Date: Friday, September 18, 2009 Time: 8:56 PM Haiku Gosh, its my fifth post for the night. I think my September blog is over-flowing. I hope not. LOL! So this is a haiku I made during AP class. I got bored so I started writing this. Its a good thing that this is just a haiku or else I couldn't have done the across sticks for the word "PAGGAWA". HAHA. Here it is. Not a cruel word Was heard from his cruel mouth He has changed for me. I know, pretty amateur. I wasn't that concentrated anyway. Besides, it has nothing to do with me. He still says bad words, anyway. HAHA! BTW, sorry if I keep posting. Blogging is just too addictive. HAHA! I might not be blogging for a long time anyway because something bad might happen. Something that can ruin my life. HAHA! I'll just try to laugh it out, okay? I don't want to be pessimistic and gloomy. I just hope nothing horrible can happen. :D leave a comment Date: Time: 8:40 PM Fuck Off Dota The infamous DOTA. An online game wherein guys become accord and have fun. But at the same time, make them too addicted. The reason why it ruins their love affairs and academics. At first DOTA was fine for me. It didn't affect me at all. Then I started loving a DOTA-addict. I became furious at this game. Why? He usually makes more time for the game itself than being with me. So I stopped playing it. I tried to bribe him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. Sometimes, we even stop chatting for him to play dota. Most girls see my dilemma. A lot can really relate. Since I know he wouldn't listen, I just stop trying to bribe him. I would just look like a fool anyway. But obviously, I am now an Anti-DOTA. I don't want to tell him though. He might say that I'm taking away his only hobby. Its sorta like that anyway. I don't want to look selfish or something. Besides, I want him to be happy. If this is the only thing that makes his day, then why stop him, right? But one tip for the guys. Try to avoid DOTA. Its useless and it ruins people. :D leave a comment Date: Time: 7:40 PM Paranoid: You Drive Me Crazy Callous? I think you're not. But I know I am. Should I be? Or should I not? All I know is that my euphoric feeling disappeared. Why you say? I entered a guilt trip, of course. Now, I know it's my fault. It's always my fault. My shameless words and callous heart caused everything. Is it over? I hope not. But every horrible feeling has now lingered in me. It won't go away. Now added tons more disdains. But one wish is what i want you to fulfill. Please stop playing and speak up. I'm now worried of what's going on. Is it just paranoia? This feeling that lingers inside? Or are you really mad. Please don't. I don't want you to. But I'm hoping you're not. Please be decisive. Are you mad or not? If you are then I'm sorry. But if not, is that the truth? I'm always in doubt when you say you're not. I guess I am paranoid. Is there something to be mad at? Of course, there is. I am stupid, reckless, irresponsible, lazy, callous, uncaring, frail, boring, immature, flirty and a tramp. So now I ask, why do you love me? You say you do, right? Shit. A tear. Am I crying? Or is it just another dust in my eye. Yes, I'm crying. No, wait! I'm not. Fuck. I'm in denial. Are you confused? I'm sorry, I'm hot and cold. You kissed me. So you're not mad? How come you didn't answer clearly? Was I being paranoid? Yes, I was. I'm sorry. So now we're fine I guess. Let's never fight again. I freaking love you! :D leave a comment Date: Time: 6:54 PM He Put A Ring On It Yepp. Yesterday was THE DAY, our first monthsary. Everything was surreal. Except of course for a sight I never thought I would see my entire life. But never mind that. Let's mind what happened the days before and the day itself. haha! The days before were the hardest. I had to make tons of photoshop collages to earn money. To earn money for a gift to be given to him. After all those tiring clicking, I was able to earn enough money to pay some loans and buy him a gift. I bought him a T-shirt which was a wrong decision for me. It was a rushed gift anyway. I could not find a perfume with an excellent fragrance! I'm not really good when it comes to choosing gifts. The day itself was surreal. A lot were greeting me, some were cursing, and some were pretty much bitter. Then at night, we chilled at my crib for awhile then went out afterwards. A shooting for a series was being held near our "SPOT" which almost destroyed my surreal night of course. Tons of lights were there! How could I see the stars? So anyway, I was looking away, pretending to watch the shooting going on nearby. When I looked back, my left ring finger had a ring! I was ecstatic! But it should've been worn in the right, right? So he repeated the process, this time by kneeling down. I think I blushed, I'm not sure? But my smile was reaching up to my ears! HAHA! After that, we walked and walked and walked. Then I decided to give him my gift, of course. He thought it was shoes! How could I blame him, I put the shirt in a shoe box and placed tons of trash in it. Of course he was fooled at first sight. HAHA! After all that, we walked and walked and walked some more. We were talking, of course. But still, after a month of being together, we still haven't had that tongue-to-tongue kiss. Sounds ludicrous huh? But hey, it was one of my best nights. We rarely be together anyway. It was freaking awesome! :D leave a comment Date: Time: 5:48 PM Vulnerable Yes, vulnerable. I have no shield to protect me from daggers. Insulting words that now cause the bleeding of my frail heart. Is it caused by the man I love? Definitely not. It's caused by the sharp insulting words some of my peers say to the man I love. What should I do? I am stupid when it comes to opening up. I can't tell how I really feel when they insult him. I am offended, I must admit. But no anger is being filled in my heart. It just really hurt most of the time. "Why were you even allured by him? He is stupid, lazy, irresponsible, irritating, and rude.", these words I hear from my peers' mouth. I could not defend him of course. I'm too weak to speak my mind. But not all say such harsh words. Some definitely understand me. They even admire me for not being vindictive. But some thoughts always ponder in me. Do I agree? Yes, I agree in every word. But I love and accept his true self. I guess they can't understand that. But if there's one insult I would never agree to is, "He doesn't even care about you. Why bother care? Why bother love, Nese?". How can they know what he really does? They don't even see us when we're together. All I can say is that, everyone's a critic. A judge who judges with false evidences. As for me, I am a useless lawyer. I could not defend him, or myself. I just let everything come in my mind then I can't stop thinking about it. No one can protect me because he doesn't even know about this. I could not speak up for I'm not brave enough. Yes, I'm a coward. That's it. The reason why I'm vulnerable. Vulnerable in every angle of my heart. I am dying of pain. Tired of insults. Sick of being a coward. Should I speak up now? Or wait for me to burst up into flames. I guess we'll just see. If all these continues. :D----:\| leave a comment Date: Sunday, September 13, 2009 Time: 6:18 PM Missing You I know its melodramatic. I just made this because I'm really in love at the verse I made. It was taken from my poem "Regrets". You can find it at one of the posts at August 2009. You can check it if you want. That's all really. Just dropping by. :D leave a comment Date: Friday, September 11, 2009 Time: 9:20 PM Nostalgic Yet another night without him beside me. I really wish he will be. I wonder when that will happen? I mean we rarely be with each other. Why else would I be feeling this way? I really miss him! This feeling is shit! HAHA! Told you my next post will be posted in a matter of minutes! I don't know why but I'm being addicted in blogging again. Anyway, need some shuteye. I think I'm off to dreamland. I'll just read a few notes before going to bed though. And do a bit of homework for HIM! LOL! Like I said, its voluntary. HAHA! Good night guys! Read my blog again okay? :D leave a comment Date: Time: 9:08 PM Sick Bed A sick bed indeed. My house is swarming with fever victims because of the rain. Now I am also infected, although its not that bad. Rain, rain, rain. The best weather for a morbid princess. But its also her worse. Rain is my favorite weather because my skin doesn't get that reddish. The bad side of this is I have low immunity. I get sick easily. But the disease that's spreading in the house didn't start from me. It started from my dad. He gets really sick like hell. He keeps on sneezing everywhere. I guess that's how the fever causing virus spread. Almost everyone in the house is infected. I don't know why but I kinda like being sick. Its an excuse for me to be cared for. I rarely get cared for. It kinda feels like I never get cared for. Wow! I miss the tasty of yummy attention! HAHA! But I'm not trying to grab it okay? I just want to have it like everyone else. I'm not that desperate! That's it guys. Gotta review and do some homeworks for my boyfriend. Don't worry. Me doing his homeworks is a voluntary act. I am indeed a good Samaritan. HAHA! Till next time guys!(Which will be in a few minutes.,LOL!) :D leave a comment Date: Time: 5:47 PM Evolutionary Mind Yepp! You got it! I'm starting to become mature! No longer the clumsy childish girl you know. My mind is evolutionizing from a child to a real adolescent! My mind is becoming a bit more astute. Wanna know why? Well, I was able to commute via train until Mendiola! BTW, its pretty damn far. Going there is like hell!! Too many people everywhere! It's total crap trust me. But hey, I came home in one piece. That's an achievement! So instead of reviewing here at home, I went to Mendiola with some friends to apply for San Beda College. That school is so unbelievable! It's like Hogwarts! Everything there rocks! From the cafeteria to uniform. It gets better! I also found out that they have BS Legal Management. It sorta kept pondering in my head last year. That's the course I might be taking there. LOL! Anyway, I'm just pretty proud to say I'm getting more mature. Although I was sorta clumsy there. I tripped a couple of times. But it was totally fun! Awesome experience. It's my first time to reach a place that far via train. It pretty rocks! I even saw some college friends. Kinda miss them. HAHA! That's just about it guys! See you again in my next post! It might be minutes from now. LOL!! :D leave a comment Date: Thursday, September 10, 2009 Time: 8:09 PM To End Our Day... A verse I made on the spot to bid my volatile farewell. Clearly I will miss him again. How I wish I could sleep beside him every night.... sighs I will miss your sweet words It blushed all worlds With your tender goodbye I'll sleep with sighs Freaking in love! Good night guys! :D leave a comment Date: Time: 5:41 PM Morbid Confessions Yipee!!Starting to become addicted at blogging again. My hands are like lightning, constantly typing at a very high speed!!Keyboard's heating up. Ears pumping. Head bursting. Hyperventilating. I wanna confess everything! You so my update right? I only posted that a few minutes ago. I said that my feeling are being mixed with isolation, guilt, love and joy. It's true. But despite all those feelings, I have others ocked in my chest. Morbid feelings. Now playing: Die Romantic- Aiden. Pretty emo I guess but this song is the reason why I want every morbid feeling to burst from its shell. One is that I lack trust for myself. I feel like I couldn't pass the first trimestral exams. But I can't blame anyone for this. Clearly I've been slacking off. Next, I've been feeling nostalgic for no reason. I feel like something's missing and I can't seem to find out what. But I know I am complete with everything I need. This must be a want. Third, I wanna confess that I wanna be a FIELD JOURNALIST! Ever since I was a kid I wanted to become a field journalist, *but my parents always disagree.* They say its too dangerous and there's no money in this job. Hello!? I don't care if I get money or not, I want to be a fucking journalist! Forgive me for the harsh word. I've been wanting to let that out. I feel like I don't have freedom here because they're only letting me choose between medical courses or a law courses. I don't want any man! Can't you understand that?! Fourth, I don't want my friends to hang out here anymore. Its just too much worries. Its kinda tiring giving them food all the time. I'm running out of cash! Damn! BTW, I don't clean the house so it gets really tiring when they mess it up! Fifth, *I'm a fool when it comes to handling money.* I've been wasting all my cash in useless things instead of buying stuffs for my projects. Right now, I'm trying to save money for our first monthsary and I'm not sure if I can give him a gift! Do you see my dilemma? Last, I feel like my pride is too high or I'm just shy of saying sorry. Either way, I'm losing some of my friends. Right now, I feel like I'm trapped in a box of sharp objects! Do you know how hard that is?! Its total crap! Now you know my problems. I just want to let everything out. Thanks for giving me the freedom to do so. Till next time! Gonna do vectors in my dark room again. HAHA :D leave a comment Date: Time: 5:06 PM Mediocre Times Hey guys!! Sorry if I haven't been posting for awhile, been busy doing NOTHING! LOL! Want an update? Well, my life has been mixed with isolation, guilt, love and joy! Pretty confusing, I know. BTW, I've been open to new things these past few days so I haven't been blogging so much. My lovelife is fine, believe me. We just don't show it in public. Its just that I hate people who's always making up rumors about us constantly. We never had a tongue-to-tongue kiss. He doesn't know how. Just wanna clear that up. Friends, not so good. I'm becoming attached to my classmates, but somehow being detatched to some of my friends. Someone is even mad at me for a mistake I clearly can't get! But anyway, I don't blame her for anything. I pretty much blame myself constantly. I just hope she understands me! Academics, totally slacking off! I haven't pass most of my requirements! I don't even take my reviewing seriously. BTW, tomorrow's physics exam and I don't know a damn thing! Some of my friends were here awhile ago and we were suppose to review. But instead, we just hang out and messed up my room. And instead of reviewing, I'm listening to music, making vectors, blogging and chatting all at the same time! It's a good thing I have two hands or I can never do all these things at once. LOL! Well, I guess that's about it. I'm trying to get use of writing short posts so that I can balance my time and so that you won't get hard up reading. HAHA! Hope you like my useless post! :D leave a comment